The back story....

 Food and I have always had a tumultuous relationship. Food ruled and I just did what I was told. Which is odd because I would say I grew up in a pretty healthy home. Never the less, food was the boss in my life. I don't remember it being such a big deal when I was a child other than I've NEVER been able to turn down desserts. But when I hit 20 and started dealing with depression and depression meds and living in another country (my year in Norway) the weight really added up. I love cheese and bread and nearly every dessert I've ever seen. When depressed, I would eat; when bored, I would eat; when stressed, I would eat. 

Fast forward, at our wedding I weighed about 198. I always swore to myself I would not weigh more than 200 lbs. In 2006 my mom paid for me to do LA Weightloss because Josh and I were going to Guam for Christmas. I was in xray school at the time and honestly, I have NO IDEA how I managed to stick to the program! Some of it was because it had cost money and I couldn't bear the thought of wasting that or letting my mom down. In the 6 months on that program, I lost 40 some pounds! At 150 I was almost skinny! It was great! I tried to be really careful when I got pregnant with Jackson. During each of my pregnancies I really didn't gain a lot of weight because I had cholestasis of pregnancy and was completely miserable. It was always the months after having the baby that I gained weight. So by Audrey, I was back up to about 180. This still wasn't terrible and I had been running half marathons at that weight. It wasn't ideal but it wasn't horrible either. I did get back down to about 174 at one point and felt really good about the way I looked and felt. But I gained all that back.

In all my years, I've not been able to stick to any eating plan/diet (with the one exception of LA Weightloss). Nor have I been able to master my self control/willpower. I almost don't even try anymore. If there is dessert available I might as well eat it now cause I will eat it eventually. I've had some injuries and as I've gained more weight it's harder to run, so that's been off the radar. My sister is the skinny one and although she swears it's a struggle, being thin seems to be easy for her. My inability to control what goes in my mouth has become the elephant in the room for me. At 40 years old I want to be healthy. I want to be able to control food instead of food controlling me. I want to EAT to LIVE instead of living to eat like I do now. My household is not a terribly healthy one: my husband eats whatever he wants and doesn't seem to pay attention to his health (love him still) and I have several very picky children. The struggle to make healthy food rarely seems worth the effort. But there are several things that have brought me to this point:

I'm taking a class on The Ministry of Healing and the Adventist health message. This has really been pricking my heart. I KNOW better and I'm supposed to be teaching my children better.

I've starting having more and more physical symptoms of an unhealthy person. Those are definite warning bells to me. I have pretty bad heartburn EVERY day. I get head aches, my joints bother me, I get really crabby, I'm dealing with hormone issues. I don't want to fall apart now. I have FAR too much life ahead of me and in my mind, I'm FAR too young to fall apart. I want the person I am in my mind to match the person I am on the outside. 

I want to prove to myself that I can do something and stick with it. I want to teach myself willpower and build up my self control. And so I began to study up on different diets and ways of eating. Most of what I found did not match my view of health which is a more Biblical view of whole foods and more along the Blue Zone idea. I really like the idea of eating whole foods with little meat and dairy. I found the Daniel Plan. It has a 10 detox plan in it that seemed manageable to me. Foods that didn't seem terribly crazy, I even had a lot of them already. I decided I could do almost anything for 10 days. I started planning everything from the dates to when I would shop and what the calendar looked like. A menu was given, which was one of the things I needed. 

So here I am...desperately trying to not be afraid or listen to the voice of doubt. I'm working really hard on doing one day at a time and reminding myself that even if it doesn't seem like I'm eating a lot, it won't be long to time to eat again. The goal is drinking lots of water along with no caffeine, dairy, breads, or processed anything for 10 days. This means double meal cooking since my family will not eat what I will be eating with a few exceptions. But I can do it, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength....even this!